Excuse me, but...

Today I find myself in the cosy environs of Hey! Coffee, yet another relatively new establishment that is to be found just off the Hongfu Road in the vicinity of the Dongguan Exhibition Centre. The coffee here is particularly excellent and the staff seem very helpful, if a little young and manic. They are a pleasant bunch, but occasionally, their patience and civility can be sorely tried by some of their excessively demanding Chinese customers. There is a peculiar way of addressing staff here that, to many a Western ear, would seem at the least rude, if not actually downright ignorant at times. Greetings of 'Ni hao' or 'Zao shang hao' ('hello' and 'good morning') will often be conspicuously ignored, it being seemingly beneath the customer's dignity to respond to mere serving staff.
Perhaps it is the overcrowding here, there are an awful lot of people crammed tightly into already overcrowded cities, or perhaps it a deeper, cultural aspect, but whatever the cause, notions of civility and patience do not come easily to the people of China. There is a desire to jump each and every queue at any available opportunity, to take advantage of another person whenever possible, to generally and quite ruthlessly (callously?) ignore the needs of others whilst looking after number one. For example, it is not unusual to wait ten to fifteen minutes for service at a railway station ticket office, only to find that at the last moment someone will jump in from the side, having not queued at all, thrust his money in front of the clerk and demand to be served. More often than not, that demand will be met rather than rejected, as such ways of conducting oneself are so common here that they barely merit a raised eyebrow from the ticketing clerk. For me, raised in a gentler culture, this somewhat refractory behaviour can be experienced as somewhat jarring. 

 
There is a lovely old cliché, one very much worth taking note of, that comes to mind: 'when in Rome do as the Romans do', but sometimes, some behaviour seems so, how can I put it, downright rude (?), that one really does not wish to find oneself behaving in similar ways.
An experience during the last week may serve to illustrate the point. A Chinese friend of mind needed some treatment in a local out-patient's department for three problematic teeth. For the sake of avoiding confusion, let us call her 'Patience'. Now Patience was in quite some pain, so much so that it had even crossed her mind to try to be admitted as an in-patient, but after some hesitation (she was very nervous at the thought of dental treatment) she opted for outpatients. After a short wait for service, a young dentist led her to a cubicle, one of four in the clinic, and proceeded to work on her troublesome teeth.
Within a couple of minutes another patient, accompanied by his noisily coughing wife, had turned up at outpatients and, without the slightest hesitation, walked straight into the cubicle and demanded the attention of the dentist who was, at that very moment, working on Patience's teeth, whirling drill in hand. Showing admirable patience, he responded politely to the impatient patient and told him to wait in the outpatients reception area. In the next few minutes, two more impatient outpatients barged impatiently into the cubicle occupied by Patience and her increasingly impatient dentist.
By this time, I myself was beginning to lose patience with these impatient outpatients, and attempted to block their access to the dentist. It seemed to me that the hygiene considerations were serious enough, but with Patience being somewhat nervous already, the last thing she needed was for her dentist to be physically distracted whilst in the course of drilling her oh so sensitive teeth. In an attempt to at least slow down the interruptions, I sat myself across the entrance to the cubicle and challenged the impatient outpatients to show a little more patience, much to the relief of Patience, as she later patiently explained to me.
These people could try the patience of a saint.
In my travels I have come across many cultural differences, many attitudes that were surprising, some even challenging at times, but I don't think I have ever come across a country where such simple decencies as showing even a modicum of sensitivity to the needs others is more often, and more blatantly, challenged than in China. It is so normal here as to be routine.
On several occasions now, whilst out dining, I have had things taken from my table without so much as a 'by your leave' or even an acknowledgement of my existence. Such things can be anything from the pot of tea from which you are drinking to the table napkins. Other customers will just walk up to your table and simply take whatever they want or need, usually without offering a any request or explanation.
One of the things one hears most often from mainland Chinese is how proud they are of their five thousand years of culture. In many ways this attitude is justified by a long and glorious history of such things as the arts, literature, poetry and science, all of which is very impressive indeed, but in areas of the most basic of attitudes, respect for the existence of others, this society seems to lag far, far behind much younger cultures than itself.
The Chinese government themselves have become aware of the growing problem of Chinese travellers embarrassing their home country by acting in less than pleasant ways either on their journey (many flights have been forced to abort following disputes, and even fights, whilst airborne) or when they reach their destinations, thus giving their country of origin a bad name. Quite lengthy articles on the subject can be found on government's media organs (such an appropriate word…) such as 'The Global Times' and 'The People's Daily'. 

This fine young lad made his mark in Luxor recently by adding 'Ding Jinhao was here' to a three thousand year old artwork...

 
The rudeness is not a matter of over-zealous xenophobia, although this too can be a problem in China. The people routinely treat each other in exactly the same rude way as they treat 'weiguoren' (foreigners). Five minutes standing at a zebra crossing will amply demonstrate this point. The cars will do absolutely anything rather than stop for a pedestrian. One can consider oneself fortunate if they even slow down or change direction. Any busy junction will also provide further proof, the motorists will routinely cut each up in the most blatant and ignorant of fashions, barely seeming to notice the presence of other road users. In the three months I have been here in China I have seen numerous minor accidents, more or less each and every one of which could have been avoided with just a modicum of patience and respect for the other road user.
To be fair, once one gets past this habitual rudeness, one often finds a friendly and even quite delightful people beneath the façade. There are indeed many aspects of Chinese attitudes and culture that other countries could learn from but...basic civility is not one of them! There may well be many reasons for this; the cultural revolution, the endemic corruption which blighted the society for many years, the pervasive influence of Confucius and 'filial piety' (a notion that tends to emphasize family links and those close to your inner circle but has the effect of downplaying the significance of those outside the group). Such justifications are all very well, but from a personal and experiential point of view though, this ubiquitous rudeness can, in all honesty, simply become rather tiresome at times.
Back in the coffee house now I find myself pondering my upcoming jaunt to Thailand to the soporific strains of easy Western jazz and Ancient Chinese folk music. There are many, many aspects of China that I will miss, it is a fascinating and varied country to visit, but there are also some things that I will be very glad to leave behind too...